It is crazy to think that nearly two weeks ago now our lives changed once again permanently. We welcomed into our world the safe arrival of another Son and life will never be the same.
I’ve mentioned on the blog how that actually I found the toughest part of pregnancy really being that I couldn’t physically do the very things that I wished I could, particularly at the end when you are just waiting for the birthdate to roll around – and this second pregancy I could really feel the lack of energy and frustration when trying to look after a house, work, and run around after a toddler.
I had a planned c-section for delivery, and this time I can hand on heart say I didn’t enjoy the experience of the actual operation at all. I could definitely remember parts and the process from the first c-section with our first son, but this time I was more aware that I wanted it over with quickly and felt completely out of my comfort zone. That came from being completely unable to move waist down (same as last time) but really didn’t want to panic with the waves of nausea and adrenaline that you experience during the operation. C-sections are not an easy option by any means, as you commit to around 48 hours in hospital post surgery with a 6 week minimum recovery period afterwards. Oh! And add in a new baby to look after as well!
It is major surgery that takes time for your body to recover from, and in some cases may change how your body will act in future in terms of looks and physically able to do. It is definitely not a birth strategy for multiple deliveries, and you can sense that when the hospital know you are a repeat patient with a previous section that you are at greater risk of something going wrong during it.
However, what I will say is that my recovery this second time has been a completely different, more positive experience. With my first child, I lost a normal amount of blood and the operation went fine – but it was enough to put me just on the border line of needing a blood transfusion. I’m very pale anyway and it took me at least six months to regain the iron and energy level I had pre-baby. Also the physical recovery was definitely harder – with more bleeding for weeks on end, swelling and general tiredness balanced with trying to prove yourself mentally to be a good mother without ever doing it before.
This second time though – I don’t know if the surgeon was better (!) but I lost far less blood, minimal bleeding now and although I know my iron and energy is lower than if I hadn’t had the operation, I feel like I am getting stronger each day. I was able to care for the baby, our toddler and our world better this time whilst also feeling strong enough mentally to say when I need a nap and a “time out” to relax. I didn’t do that the first time probably due to feeling like I needed to show I could be Wonder Woman and do it all.
As I write this, we are now 12 days into our family of four – and from returning back from the hospital and having our toddler join us back home life has felt surprising normal. I mean that I haven’t experienced the panic or felt like I was out of control with the world and balancing this new found chaos. Instead many times in the quiet moments, often when my husband is driving the four of us about together, I can’t believe I am so lucky to have this life now. My boys, big and small, are the loves of my life. Both my small boys have arrived into the world healthy and strong, and long may that continue as I don’t think my heart could take otherwise.
Each of them, husband included for sure, make me want to be better. They make me happy to get up each day and just enjoy the small details and quiet moments with them. I know for sure that we will face challenges with now having another piece in our family puzzle that we love and cherish, but this complete picture feels like I hoped – that is was meant to be.
This life is to be enjoyed to the fullest, not endured, so in all choices we make and roles we play it is important to find and appreciate the joy. If something doesn’t bring that joy, maybe it is time to rebook at it and figure out why.
Here’s to a lifetime of now being a mother of 2 boys, thrown in with being a Wife, Working Mama and Step-Mama. I may need a lie down at the thought.