Frustrating and delightful at the same time – reflections on later pregnancy

In the past week I reached the big 36 week (9 month full term) mark in my second pregnancy.  Pregnancy is tough, well for me it feels more like a struggle as I battle with the frustration of my body slowing down and becoming more annoyed with myself that I can’t do everything I want to each day (or sleep!).  But it also brings delight at this final stage, as we know that the final few weeks are ahead of us only and then our family will grown.

I never thought I would be blessed to be a mother in this life, mainly because I wasn’t sure if I could handle pregnancy and birth in all honesty.  Pregnancy scared me as it brings with it the risk of my sickness phobia coming to the surface a lot (morning sickness possibility etc), then genuinely not sure if I could handle labour and all the pain that people talked about.  The end result of having a family and your own flesh and blood is of course amazing and was desired, but I just didn’t know if I was strong enough to make it through the 9 months and ending to get the prize.

I guess that is where life throws you a curve ball and you surprise yourself, ultimately to become something far better than you were before.  My first pregnancy wasn’t planned, so that forced me to head on overcome all these emotions – but the second successful pregnancy right now was a choice that I wanted.  First time around I had felt all the worries and stresses and actually believed I could do it a second time better, as I knew exactly (well almost) what it would be like for me.

Second time round there has been a lot of similarities, I was lucky to never be sick with morning sickness – but second time round definitely felt worse and exhausted at the start few months.  I remembered the fun times of indigestion to come later in pregnancy, and they are back, but I can cope.   I remembered feeling tired and faint a lot with baby boy 1, and this time was ready that I would need to grant myself permission to rest and nap during the days when the tiredness got tougher (like now!).

The main struggle though right now is that I must be a different shape physically, I feel like I haven’t put on as much weight this time with running around after a toddler (you don’t get any time to have long lies or sleep when you want) and I feel “all bone-y and bump”.  Every baby movement seems to hurt, and sleeping is a constant battle of trying to find a position then wake up sore in my belly after a few hours.  The good thing about the movement side of things is that I am always aware that little one inside is kicking and growing away inside me – and the is the blessing to counteract the frustration.

I’m frustrated that it feels like a huge amount of time still (2 weeks and a bit) until planned arrival date and whether the chance of me annoying myself to death will occur before then, or if I will cry too much at the most random things on TV (hello pregnancy emotions!) – but I’m going to try my best to enjoy these final moments of being pregnant and what they feel like and the delight that carrying a child successfully gives you.

You never know what life will bring each year, and I look forward to keeping myself healthy the next few weeks so that we can all be together as a family safe and well.

Love MFF xx

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