I have struggled to guess right if I should sometimes share details about my personal life, as actually when I read online other people’s life stories and they match mine in some way – it gives me hope or ideas for a better way. And so I write this letter aimed at the universe in general just to recap on life the past wee while, just in the hope it might help someone else in this big old universe. OR my way of getting it all out my system…one of the two…perhaps….
Disclaimer – what i will write is not aimed at anyone or anything, so for those who like to judge other people’s lives with their own opinion – please feel free to move onto someone else. This is a snap shot into my life in the hope it may do some good so someone else doesn’t feel they are alone in their similar thoughts.
Nearly two years ago now, my world changed, dramatically changed for the better. Some people may not have seen it as a good change at the time (perhaps the judgement should be reminded of a phrase about perfection and throwing stones), but now that they can see living proof in the success of that change, it was absolutely for the better in my life. I lived in a world previously that meant I thought I would be child-less all my days, and it broke my heart, as i have lived with disappointment for many years, seeing countless others have babies, and all the world telling me that it was my role to have. A special piece of counsel I received back in 2003 also said that in this life I would be a mother, and so I had that hope.
And then in October 2012 those little two red lines appear on a test stick. I was aged 31 and had been actively trying to see those two little marks appear for nearly 8 years. Those lines would mean my world would change forever, in many many ways. Within that very quick time period too, I also gained a whole new responsibility of loving other children my partner had. Even though at that time I had no children of my own, I would love these children as my own and still very much do.
Time has passed and now I am a birth mother to an amazing little boy who is 1yr old – but through the past years and months since the other children entered my world, it breaks my heart when others vocalised in the past and present that I should be classified as less than a mother to them. Please please please Universe – help me understand why?
“I am the same as other girls who grew up wanting her family, however large or small, to be happy and filled with love and not spoilt by anything that does not facilitate that. I am not after anyone else’s life or role, purely wanting to make the most of all I have been given.” Mamafurfur
If we could all choose another woman or person to be active in raising our precious children that we carried for 9 months, held in our arms from day 1, and loved through it all – wouldn’t we want someone who equally holds them and kisses them goodnight? Reads them a bedtime story? Cooks the best meals for them so they are well fed? Makes them laugh? Wipes away their tears? Someone they trust and love back? There is no chance in our ugliest dreams that we would want anything less – as they are our precious gifts. I know full well that many bad emotions such as jealousy, envy, selfishness can get in the way – and believe me I’ve been told them and people act on them many times towards me – but please Universe have the thought of what is best replace these thoughts if it is possible.
From my own life, I wonder though if those who wish to label the role I fill in one aspect of life as a step-mum knew exactly all the deeper facts that usually go hand in hand with the role that no one else sees. I wonder if they realise that most step-mums also go out to work as much as they can to make sure that money each month reaches all the children in the family? The sacrifices are never just time and effort, but so much more…..
This past almost few years have seen our family sacrifice much including having to stand up and get a Child Contact Court Order against those who told us we deserved nothing. That took real guts and inner strength, as for the past years we have been told we don’t deserve anything that would help us become the blended family we wanted and desired, but actually that isn’t true and we knew it.
And it looks like the universe knew it too, cos here we are as living proof.
If I could write anything directly to those parents who are part of blended families, dealing the best they can with all kinds of drama which are not at all in the children’s best interests, please please please DON’T BE AFRAID! Stand up and take them all on – head on!
I have proudly stood up to bullies many times in my life, and Universe I am so thankful for all you have blessed me with as a result. I am reminded of a post I wrote just a few weeks ago, where I learnt the lesson “If its not ok, its not the end. Everything will be ok in the end”.
You are worth so much more than this world will have you believe, and I am living proof.
Love MFF xx