Sometimes we all go through hard times, some times are harder for some than others.
Last August was one of the most testing times for me personally, as I suffered from an Ectopic pregnancy. This isn’t uncommon I know as roughly 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage sadly, but my first experience. Particularly unusual as I had carried my first pregnancy full term absolutely fine, and have a little boy now 21 months as result.
In my particular case, it was discovered after many weeks of bleeding and “pregnancy not doing what it is meant to” tests and discussions with the Early Pregnancy Unit at our local hospital. Thankfully, I didn’t have that moment of it suddenly erupting or such to worry about. I was one of the lucky ones by all means and it was successfully treated without operations but with medicines.
However, no one talks to you or prepares you for the time that comes when your pregnancy would have been full term, if you had successfully carried and not miscarried.
No one really knows after all when that time is, as really when you find out you are pregnant you tend to go online or have a guess at what roughly your due date will be, and that sticks in your mind with you.
For me, that time would have been around mid-March 2015 as it is now at the time of writing, and I can’t help but sometimes remember that I would have been preparing for another little baby in the household. Sometimes I catch myself looking at baby clothes in the windows of shops and thinking maybe it would have been a girl or maybe it would have been a boy, even though the reality is that it hadn’t become anything really yet in those 7 or 8 short weeks I was pregnant.
Closure for me on the pregnancy came very clearly after my body had started to abort the Ectopic pregnancy and one day when it finally passed what looked like a very small black sac. I had been in days of sharp pains in my abdominal and bleeding for weeks, and now it was all coming to an end thankfully. Apologies for the detail, but I remember thinking at the time when it was just me sitting on a toilet noticing this happen that I thought it was so perfectly formed but something hadn’t worked out and my body was doing the better thing of preparing for another chance again.
I had my closure for sure that the pregnancy was no more a reality and it was time to start a new chapter, but I forgot that I might remember when my due date might have been and emotions that brings with it.
However, this I know for sure. Even though particular dates and times have brought the memory back of the miscarriage, I know it made me stronger and not take anything in life for granted. Everything I have experienced since August has been a blessing, this has included focusing on my health and fitness more, reorganising family life and so much more. We have adventures to look forward to as a three piece at the moment, and who knows – maybe another additional will join us if it is the right timing next time?
Be thankful for everything you experience in life, as these events are there to make us who we become.
Love MFF xx